Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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