That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
