omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
