party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
