Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
