omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
