I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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