Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
