He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
