Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
