apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
