that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
