You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
