I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
