how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
