The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
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All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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