i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
that may or may not have been my penis.
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