I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
