i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
