at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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