after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
