I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
