Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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