What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
