Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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