can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
