She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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