seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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