How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
