We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She told me I should be a condom model.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Randomize
