just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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