Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
