I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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