You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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