is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
