I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.