I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life