I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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