Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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