My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
