we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
