I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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