Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
