dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
