Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
