so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
