Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
