The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
