the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
