Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
