Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
