So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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