talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize