His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
