it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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