I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
