oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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