I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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