I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
