Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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