i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
