we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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