I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
