"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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