Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
