I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
