U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
