george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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