and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
