but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
