i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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