thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
