The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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