I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
