I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
