Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i drank out of a bidet.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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