I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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