I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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