You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm too high and old for this...
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