Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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