dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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