the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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