smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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