dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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