I wanna bring you to show and tell
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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