So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
